When things happen in your life that challenge what you know and open your eyes to new possibilities, embrace it!

Well the summer is coming to an end.. and with that my favorite season of the year Autumn begins! Before I know it December will be here and my 21st year will be over. As I look back over all the things that have happened since January I am so amazed at the changes in my life. I am not the same person I was last year and it's only for the better. 

I've heard people talk about college being a time for not only for learning about your future career, but also learning about who you are and who you want to be for the rest of your life..

And I thought I already had that allllll figured out.

But I guess I was wrong.

I feel like the life I was living before now was so empty...because it really wasn't what I wanted. And now I have another chance to change everything and have all of things I want and used to want. 

AND IM SOOO EXCITED ABOUT IT!

I want to do everything, try everything, and live life to the very fullest! There are so many things I know nothing about and I want to learn all that I can. 

A lot of times in my life, I've seen change as a bad thing, or something to be scared of... but now I think that change can be one of the best things to ever happen.... when you begin to question all of the things you thought you wanted... you become a stronger person, because you make decisions for life based on what you really want. No matter what the outcome is.. a little bit of challenge never hurts. In fact I thought i'd post a little corny quote about challenge that I really like :))

“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.” 

-Paulo Coelho

Finished my junior year of college? Check!

Woah... This year went by so so fast! It has been such a good one too :)

I absolutely love going to the U, it was exactly what I was looking for and way more fun for me than SUU.

I'm officially a senior! Even though I will still have another year after that....


I feel like I'm a different person and my life has changed so much! My mom recently got engaged to an awesome man, Aaron and I couldn't be happier for her. It is great to know that she will have someone to share her time with... but with her moving into his house in Bountiful.. I will finally be moving out again!!!! I love living at home and spending more time with her, but I just feel like 21 is wayyy too old to be living at home. So.. I put a deposit on an apartment a few days ago! It is perfect and as soon as Lauren Fessia gets here.. we will make it our casa! I cant wait for her to come to SLC she will absolutely love it.

I also joined Alpha Phi at the U and I'm soo glad I did! It has been quite the experience... to say the least. I have met some of the most amazing women ever! I really feel like it was exactly what I needed at this point in my life.

There have definitely been some ups and downs with drama but I feel like I'm finally able to rise above all of that and become exactly who I want to be :) I am SOO grateful for the people who have been there for me throughout this semester and have helped to make me a better person.I was definitely not at my best in January coming out of a long term relationship and trying to figure out what I want... but now I think I have a much better idea of what I want and who I want to be... and im working hard to get there..


In just two short years I can finally graduate!!! And be a teacher for lifeee!!
But for now.. I think i'll just have fun :))

New Beginnings!

So wow.... my life has done like a complete 180 in the past few months... some of the changes are good and some ehhh not so good. so this is just going to be a random update about whats new


I have almost finished my first semester at the U.... I am loving it up here! SUU just seemed like an extension of high school... and im glad i finally got away. my major is very small compared to elementary ed at SUU and i have met some fantastic people within it. even tho i love my program it still feels like graduation is forever away! every time i go into an elementary school it just reminds me of how much i want to be in there actually teaching and working with the children...i know that i have to do good in school to get there but another two years just seems like forever! oh well im sure ill enjoy it and everyone says that you shouldnt wish to be done!

One thing that has been quite the challenge is living all the way in West Jordan when the U is in SLC. it is about 40 minutes by train and so it takes up a ton of my day just gettin there. its not like Suu where if i forgot something i could just run home.. and every time i miss the train i end up driving which eats up a ton of money. its just TOO hard to live here and go to school there. so im really working on getting my finances in order so that i can move out. me and alexis chica-wang nay have plans to move out so hopefully if everythin goes right that will happen!

Another big change is that im no longer dating nick. i read (on facebook haha) that if you change your relationship status more than twice a year you probably aren't ready to be in a relationship (or something like that) I think that is completely true... relationships arent about drama... and if you have one so filled with drama that you can no longer see the good in it.. what's the point? we broke up about 2 months ago... ive had some very hard times.. and some times where i feel happy... like my old self. but for the most part ive just been calm. the kind of calm that comes from making a decision that you can live with and being happy about it. I think the hardest part is losing the friendship. after dating someone for almost four years a big part of you is shared with them... and to have it gone is really hard. sometimes i just see a picture of him or something that he gave me and i start to feel really sad...  but then i realize that we werent happy... and now we both have a chance to be the smiling, laughing people we were three and a half years ago. 

moving back has almost seemed too natural. i not only moved back to the neighborhood that i was from, but i moved back to being with my family.. and hanging out with people i haven't been able to see in a very long time. im so glad to be back and able to see Alexis Nay! She had been my best friend since 6th grade and it almost feels like we picked up right where we left off. I think that my six years in Cedar City really changed me and im really grateful for some of that.. but there are just some things that I really missed from here and she is definitely one of them. along with all my other old friends from here!


right now im feeling very positive about my future! i love my school.... i love my family... my future career and all of the people surrounding me!!

well my friends this has been another rambling by me
hopefully there will be more good things to come :)

Just Some Random Heavy Thoughts...

So I've been having a pretttyyy tough couple of weeks...

I feel like my mind is a complete blur... with so many different thoughts floating around and i can't really figure any of them out...

But something (that really has nothing at all to do with my bad week) that has been stuck in the back of my head... is Father's Day which was last Sunday.

I didn't celebrate this day, or call anyone, or buy any presents. My own dad is a great guy, he lives in Nevada with my step mom, and I care about them very much. However, I've never lived with them or really gotten to experience a life with them... so all I can really go off of is what I know.

There was another guy who was like a dad to me for many years... and it feels really hard that I didnt get the chance to say anything to him on Father's day, ore really even acknowledge him.. and that person is Walt. My mom and walt were married when I was 9 or 10 and I can honestly say that I have never seen two people so happy.. ever. They had their problems like everyone does... but for the most part it was as close to perfect as i've seen.... and for all that time he treated me just like one of his own children, and i feel very happy and blessed to say that he was such a big part of my life..

Tonight I looked up his obituary... it was pretty hard to look at and think that it has been almost six years since he passed away. I still think about him every day and feel sadness at all things my family will never get to do together again...

But i think the reason why i've had these thoughts in my head is because i dont have the chance to tell him personally how great he was... so maybe this will make that a bit better...


Anyways..

Happy Father's Day Walt! We miss you so much!

Big Changes In My Life

Well I finally did it! I moved to Salt Lake just a week ago... something I have been wanting to do almost ever since I got to Cedar.. It has been such a huge change I dont even think it has really hit me yet. So far it is amazing to be somewhere so big with so much more to do. But it hasnt all been great. Its true that now I live in the city where I've wanted to be, but I also didnt realize how much I would be leaving behind. Cedar was where I grew up.. where almost all the big events in my life took place and its really hard to leave that all behind. It's not like I just left for a little while to go to college... cause i dont really ever plan on going bacthere.

*I know that I'm going to have great times here too.. especially once I start going to school. I've been wanting to go to U of U ever since I was a child.. but for right now for the most part life here has been mainly boring.

When you're waiting for something to happen everyday for a long time, you picture it being this glamorous thing... like I would move here and everything would be perfect and it would be how i expected it to be.. ha but so far... its not..

*Its way hard to go from hanging out with the same people to just not having them around any more.. I miss my friends :/ haha.. and the funny thing is we didnt even really hang out that much... but i always knew if i was bored or just wanted to do something i could count on one of them to be around... we would do ridiculous things too.. things i couldnt just ask people that i dont really know that well to do... like go on random drives to get this wierd mint icecream or drive around for hours trying to steal a plastic reindeer... sometimes it seems like the most random things make the best memories...

*One of the other reasons moving has been hard is almost too pathetic to bring up... but anyone that really knows me knows how much i love my dog Toshi... he lived for me almost his whole life and now he doesnt.... ha how lame is that i miss my freakingg dog. but i do. He is completley fine and he lives with Nick.. who takes great care of him but its still not the same as having him with me 24/7...

 I know this is dragging on and on but I just have soo much to say haha....

*Ok so another completely stressful thing about this new move is that I'm not quite sure where I want to work.. I got a job offer at Forever 21 that i planned on taking until it started to seem kind of sketchy.. I'm 20, have plenty of work experience, and my associates so i dont really want to deal with some stressful job... im still not sure what im going to do there.. but I do have an interview for a really great job on June 1st! Wish me LUCK! I'm going to need it to land this job, but unless I do get it, or until I do, I need something!! Im hoping that by tomorrow I will know more on that..

*Ok and so the final thing that has been hard about all this is something I found out about today.. When i was 14 I found out I had a wierd heartbeat, which is actually way common and no big deal at all. But when i recently got re tested, I was hoping to hear that it had gone away.. which is pretty common. But it hasn't and probably never will and I also found out my heart is beating wayy too fast.. which it definitely shouldnt at my age. So now I have to go to another doctor and do all this stuff.. I am OK!! ha but its seriously been one thing after another.. I guess you could say that today just was not a good day. Wow this has been way negative and for that I'm sorry! I promise I will not gripe any more.. I do have an amazing life... and I am soo excited for what is to come!!

Just for fun I put this picture of my awesome (im being totally serious) room which has no ceiling and paneling on the walls!! You should see it in person :)